THE AWKWARD DATE

Have you ever had to leave through the fire escape? #DROPSsavedtheday

I met this guy at a bar - in Westlands, Nairobi. He dressed smooth, good looking, smelled good, seemed charismatic. Or maybe it was the tequila telling me all this.

I gave him my number and we went into the talking stage. He kept chatting, every day, good morning texts, "how was your day", "I would love to see you again". You know, the works. A month goes by, and our schedules FINALLY align, and we decided to meet up on this particular Thursday. It was a workday, and fortunately, I had a business lunch, so I had taken an unusually heavy lunch that day. This info becomes relevant later.

I left work earlier to freshen up for my 7:30 date. He picked a nice restaurant, so I had to look good - first impressions and all that. Anyway, we met up, we hug, he didn't look how I remembered but I thought... let's not be superficial. It's the personality that counts.

The first red flag for me was how he spoke to the waiters. Being rude to someone just doing their job is an immediately no. But I ignored. "Maybe he just wants things to be perfect". The second strike was when the waiter came to take our order. I had already eaten a heavy lunch, so I planned on just a light appetizer and desert. No heavy meals. BUT! guess what. He decided to order for both of us... a sharing platter. I told him - I don't really fancy a lot of meat this evening, and you hadn't asked what I wanted. He said "no, no, trust me, you'll love this".

As we waited for our meal, he proceeded to dominate the conversation. I think the only thing I managed to talk about was my day. Meanwhile, I felt like I knew his life story in 10 minutes.

Meal came. Perfect Buffer. At this point, I'm checking my watch...40 minutes down...30 minutes to go. During the meal, he mentioned that he is starting a new small business, and he is in the process of gathering investments. I didn't really take this as much. I ignored and said, "that's nice."

Meal done. I asked for the bill immediately - "I have to go into the office tomorrow" I told him. After I said this, he asked, me - "so concerning my small business, would you like to invest? I calculated my financials and the forecast is XX millions in 3 years"

Yes... I was shook too.

Bill comes. It was KSH 6,000. And! guess what! He said he couldn't find his wallet. I was further shooketh. He a runner, He a track star.

He proceeded to start making some frantic calls to friends to ask for a quick M-pesa loan. He called three friends before the 3rd one sent him KSH 1,500. Clearly, he is a seasoned debtor.

After the fifth call, I excused myself to use the bathroom. He was on the phone, so he didn't notice me slip out with my clutch purse. From the bathroom, I found my way to the kitchen and asked the staff for my waiter. She came. I paid her KSH 3500 and said he will cover the rest. Fortunately, she understood girl code. I asked her for the back exit. She showed me the fire escape through the kitchen. I booked and Uber and left.

I got home. Too tired to even call friends to talk about it so I decided to turn on Netflix. I opened the fridge. I had two bottles of DROPS Strawberry Daiquiri left. I smiled so sheepishly. God loves me. I opened the first bottle, turned off the lights and turned on the latest season of BRIDGERTON.

I shall try this dating thing again in a year.